Today on Stupid Shit, Tex The Armadillo Can Holder
Since this armadillo in NO way looks like he is trying to mate with that beer can, I'll just steer clear of any inaccurate, and therefore unwarranted, armadillo/aluminum sex jokes.
I really have to hand it to the poor jerk who got stuck writing a blurb for this ludicrous item. He desperately attempts to sell a note of whimsy with the claim that one may, "Protect your beverage of choice until you're ready to uncap and unwind!"
He then attempts the coup de grace by promising countless scintillating conversations and infinite popularity to the owner of "Tex" by stating, "Tex, is a sure-fire conversation piece from his textured armor to his whiplash tail."
I'm trying to imagine said conversation.
"What's that there, a, uh...armadillo beer can holder?"
"Yup."
"What'd that cost ya?"
"Bout thirty bucks."
"Shew."
"Yup."
...
"Can I have a beer too?"
"Nope."
...
"I'm leaving."
The reasoning here is, of course, that anyone who would even consider buying this, er..."special" item would naturally be socially ignorant enough to believe this claim, and, therefore, not only willing but desperate to buy Tex the Armadillo Can Holder in some sort of last ditch effort to salvage any sort of meaning and purpose out of his pitiful life.
Or from Texas.
By Jonny Walls
2 comments:
Just found the first item for my Christmas list. Thx!
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