I Work, Therefore, I Am: An Insider's Look at Unemployment, Underemployment, and Identity (Part 2 of 3)

By Emily Walls

If you missed Part 1, go catch up.

The False “I”: Underemployment
In a recent position, I had a nameplate that hung on my cubicle wall. It declared, “Emily Walls: Administrative Assitant.” When I left college, I did not think I would be meeting Emily Walls: Administrative Assistant. Emily Walls: Editor-in-Chief, Emily Walls: Program Director, Emily Walls: Duchess of York, sure, but not Emily the secretary. Someday, I hope to hold a funeral for that nameplate, but until then I need to reconcile myself with what it means.

1. It means I’ve been employed. Having a job—any job—means you can contribute to your family’s well-being, you have a schedule, and you have an answer at parties when people ask what you do.
2. It means I’ve been able to pay rent and buy groceries.
3. It means I’ve gained experience. I have been amazed at the number of skills that have come back to help me long after I have written them off as useless or too specialized.
4. It means I’ve failed to live up to my potential…for now.

I've been an administrative assistant a few times, and sometimes, I've found it challenging and rewarding. I have also worked a few jobs that I could have qualified for straight out of middle school. I don’t know exactly how to describe the feeling of clocking in to a job for which you are comically overqualified. First, you punch in with pride because you are paying your bills. Then you grab your cup of Folgers, thumb through the tower of paperwork on your desk, and sprint to the bathroom to cry because what are you doing with your life?

Internally, you wrestle with one, constant thought: I am more than this. Unfortunately, the response usually follows that if you were more than this, you would be doing more than this. To compensate, your mind spews lists of all your past achievements. Every girl scout patch, every science fair ribbon, every citizenship award will rise up to testify, “I knew her before she was the sack of manure you see before you today. She coulda been a contender.” Your shoulders slump and a few more gray hairs sprout.

Of course you're happy to be working, but you can't settle into a job because it feels like giving up. It feels like a statement: I am Telemarketer, and I will always be Telemarketer. You know inside that you could do much more—you might even have detailed plans—but for whatever reason, you have not yet landed the position that will require your skills and education and challenge your ingenuity. You are working to pay the bills, and it feels like lying.

Underemployment is tolerable at best, soul-sucking at worst. If you find yourself eking by every month under the fluorescent halo of mediocrity, take heart. Yes, you can do better. Yes, you probably will do better. This too shall pass, but before it does, take inventory of your blessings and remember that underemployment is just a temporary state. You are not giving up on your dreams; you are doing what you can to survive, and eventually, you’ll do something else.

Look at Donald Ray Pollock who worked in a factory for 32 years and then decided to pursue a writing career. His work has been praised by the New York Times, LA Times, Washington Post, and every other Times you see on the newsstand. Look at Brad Pitt (yes ma'am, the ladies reply). He wore a giant chicken costume for El Pollo Loco before his career took off.

Continue to do good work, continue to show integrity, and someday, the sun will shine on you.

Things will also get sunnier here on the Infusion with Employment in Part 3. Until then, enjoy these projects that I completed while underemployed, having begged prompts from my friend Elizabeth.

He's supposed to be surprised in the 5th frame, but I accidentally gave him angry eyes. Roll with it.

Darth Paper: unfortunately a little on the KKK side

Ode to the Bride